Found in Translation

As of late, I've been perusing Craigslist to see if it is possible to find "better accommodations". Translated, that means a place where the walls don't mold, there isn't termite doodoo falling all over everything, there isn't a dusty unpaved road in front of the house, and perhaps there would be an enclosed yard.


But, I am finding that my standards could possibly be unreachable here on Kauai. The other things on my wish-list for housing also include: a nice view, within earshot of the ocean, not in a neighborhood, dogs allowed, high ceilings, it catches trade winds, not too far from work, and, of course, a solar water heater would be nice.


What I am finding, though, is that there is a special language employed by those who post rentals. But no worries! I am here to translate.


Cozy = usually under 800 sq. ft. (yes, there are plenty of these)
Water included = the landlord lives on the property and doesn't want to break out the bill
No dogs = there are already 50 dogs on or near the property
Furnished = circa 1975 hotel motif
Utilities included = there are other renter(s)/landlord on the property
Ocean view = If you stand on the roof, you may spot an inch of blue
Country setting = dirt driveway
One mile from beach = As a crow flies. Does NOT imply view of beach
Shared washer and dryer = the landlord or other renter(s) on property
Cute Hawaiian Shack = nature close at hand (outdoor shower, ants, spiders, and centipedes)
Lots of mirrors = Feng shui to make 400 sq ft look like 1,000 sq ft.
Downstairs unit = bottom part of two story house. Landlords usually above
Steep driveway = usually unnavigable in a vehicle
No smoking, no drugs = landlord lives on property and they have small kids


I could go on, but you get the picture. I'll put my desires out to the universe anyway. You never know, the perfect place might be waiting for me; posted by someone who does not speak the Craigslist language yet.


Wish me happy hunting!