Out With The Old

Why is it that when we are ten, we can sleep on the floor and stay up all night at slumber parties? But when we are 52, we need back-supported, ultra plush, mega pillow-topped, form-fitting mattresses before we enjoy a solid night of blissful sleep?  According to M. Alter, the main reason we become less flexible as we get older is a result of certain changes that take place in our connective tissues. As we age, our bodies gradually dehydrate to some extent. It is believed that "stretching stimulates the production or retention of lubricants between the connective tissue fibers, thus preventing the formation of adhesions." In other words, as we age, we become shriveled old prunes.


That is why, last week, I bought a new bed. Oh, there were warning signs that my torture-contraption-bed-of-pain (TCBP) was the cause of my rapidly debilitating back ache. Twice I had to stay at hotels where my spinal pain mysteriously and gratefully disappeared after only one night. After my last trip to the mainland (where I luxuriated in a king-size bed of wonder and comfort) I returned to find that after only two nights back on my TCBP, I was crippled with pain and could not even stand upright. I was shuffling around like my 95 year old grandmother, unable to reach the upper shelves in my kitchen or walk without my face contorted with pain.


First, I went to the "mattress store" where I thought that at least I could lie down on the sample beds to take them for a "test drive". Much to my horror, the price tag of $1,200 was not for the entire bedroom set (headboard, footboard, mattress, boxspring, and side table). No, this was the sale price of the mattress alone! Yowzers! The saleswomen patiently explained to me the nuances of mattress shopping and the importance of the spring count. All I felt was the cold plastic on my bare legs and no pillow under my head. Not an overall great experience for my body or my pocketbook.


So, I took the course of least resistance and went to Costco where I could supply myself with a matching mattress and boxpring of high quality that even had an extra bit of "memory foam" to aid in my peaceful slumber.


Now, I am all tucked in on top of my 14" mattress, the old bed is waiting for it's next victim in the guest room, the bunk-bed is waiting in the wings to provide ongoing convenience and joy to some future Craig's List parents, and everyone is happy.  Except for maybe the extortionists who run the mattress store downtown.